It was dark. Real dark. The kind of darkness that resembles the colour black.

 But I could still see.

 Why? Oh, because I possess what they call ‘Sadistic Lenses that can See in the Dark’. The people who sold them to me told me I should be real breezy when I talk about them. That’s when I informed them that I didn’t possess what they call eyebrows and eyelashes to make myself look supremely unconcerned when I talked about something like Sadistic Lenses that can See in the Dark. That’s when they blinked and became a dot.

  I looked at her sleeping. So peaceful. She had a little smile on her face. And a little toe with a nail painted black popped out of a dirty green pajama with antelopes on it which popped out of a red quilt. I noticed that her nail was painted black and that her pajamas were dirty green and that her quilt was red because I, you know, possess those things they call Sadistic Lenses that can See in the Dark. There. Breeeheezzyy. I would so make anyone else trying to sound breezy blush with embarrassment. It’s a pity my manufacturer didn’t add some neat hair extensions for me to flip back right now.

But I digress.

*metallic cough*

She lay there, a picture of serene tranquility, a mute snore disturbing the air particles. Her face was expressionless . Blank. Wiped out of all emotion.

I smiled to myself.

I was beginning to get those sadistic twinges. 

One of my sadistic plastic hands moved towards the other sadistic plastic hand that she had wound to a position near the figure ’5’.

I gave my best my best supremely unconcerned look and examined my non-existent fingernails.

Really, I don’t know what my manufacturer was thinking when he made me. I mean, how can you not include a sort of sadistic three-dimensional-view-mirror when you make something like me? I would want to look at my wide range of twisted smiles and breezy looks.

*metallic sigh*

Manufacturers these days…I mean, honestly…

Ooo, ooo it’s time!

Barely able to hold myself any longer, I sang in my finest sadistic falsetto:

“TIDDIDDITTT!!!! TIDDIDDITTT!!!”

I deserve a Grammy. And a Humanitarian award.

I gave encore after encore, being the champ that I am, looking delightedly at the frown that was creasing her forehead.

Then there was darkness. And I couldn’t see. No, not even with my Sadistic Lenses that can See in the Dark.

In those last few minutes before my Sadistic Lenses that can see in the Dark stopped functioning,, I heard a slurred irritable voice say “Damn alarm clocks” and leap towards me with a pillow.

I gotta go practice my breezy looks now.

Till next time.

Ciao.

This is how bad my writing has got. pfft.